The most frequent question I get asked when working on performance with athletes is: “How can I stop the negative self-talk in my head?” This question cuts right to the core of one of humanity’s most perplexing afflictions.

There’s no denying the power of a great story. It’s what draws us into movies, TV shows, and playoff sports. We all love a good drama - real or imagined. Or that special person who could spin the story yarn endlessly, capturing our attention and transporting us into their world. I can vividly recall my grandfather telling story after story of his youth while my sisters and I sat captivated at the Thanksgiving dinner table.

Storytelling sets humans apart from the animal world. No doubt it was central to our survival. The evolution of language enabled our species to thrive. Stories influence us and shape us whether they are told by a friend or family member, watched on TV, or listened to through the lyrics in song. Personally, I find the stories in song particularly interesting.

We also have a way of telling stories to ourselves, and these ones shape us too. We’re all playing a dialogue in our heads; a running commentary with ourselves as we go about our day. It’s as if there’s some little gnome on our shoulder whispering (sometimes shouting) in our ear all day long. And for some, that voice gets really loud in the quiet of night. So often (and due to the “negativity bias”) that little gnome is a pessimist, more often offering up critiques rather than praise. So often that voice is “you’re not good enough.”

You can see why this can be debilitating to athletes individually and teams collectively. What’s more, the way our brains work, the more often we think a certain way - the more often we tell ourselves a certain story - the more ingrained that story becomes. Behaviors follow thoughts and sure enough, we can find ourselves in a rut that’s hard to escape from. When I speak to athletes about this, I tell them to imagine a path in the woods. This path is worn from their thoughts, and it becomes routine to just follow it along.

Yet it’s important - critically important, to stop sometimes and question - is this the right path? Are these thoughts accurate? Do I need to believe them? Should I start treading a new path?

As a mindfulness teacher/mindset coach, I’m trained to help people objectify their thoughts, to see them in the same realm as sounds, sights, physical sensations, smell, and taste. Thoughts are just something our brain secretes. But they don’t have to be taken as the truth, and the stories they create can simply be random. We can choose to believe them or not.

Successful athletes know that they can’t linger on mistakes. When athletes are going all out, they at times drop passes, miss shots, get penalties etc. Their success and their team’s success is in direct relation to how quickly they can let go of mistakes - how quickly they can shut off the voice of criticism - and simply keep playing the game.

Sport mirrors life. Have you ever beaten yourself up for a mistake you made? Has that voice ever persisted for a few hours or days? Weeks or months? Years? Moreover, can you consider for a moment that a negative or self-defeating story you tell yourself - about yourself - may have little or no basis in fact? Can you consider that in your mind’s need for certainty, it can simply concoct stories in order to make sense of the world?

Given that our brains are always changing (neuroplasticity), I use this very simple technique to help my clients change the inner dialogue: I tell them to imagine making a costly mistake in a game. Then I ask them to write down in 7 words or less, what would be most helpful for them to hear in that moment coming from a coach or teammate. I tell them to memorize those words, write them down and put them next to the mirror or door. And to say those words to themselves often and especially in the aftermath of a mistake, however big or small.

In a recent conversation with an old friend who’s struggling with his inner dialogue, I told him this over text after we’d ended the call:

“It’s helpful to challenge your identity frequently. We don’t have to be the story we tell ourselves, often written by someone else during our childhood.”

Jim Carrey, in his famous graduation speech says: ”Our eyes are not viewers, they are also projectors, that are running a second story over the picture. And the working title is: 'I’ll never be enough.’”

He also says in that speech, which I think is worth noting here: “You can spend your whole life imagining ghosts, worrying about the pathway to the future, but all there will ever be - is what’s happening here, and the decisions we make in this moment. So many of us choose our path out of fear disguised as practicality. What we really want seems impossibly out of reach and ridiculous to expect so we never dared ask the universe for it. I’m saying - I’m the proof - that you can ask the universe for it.”

So I encourage you to step back and become aware of that voice. If you need to, change that voice. Change it from negative to positive, with clear intention. Make that voice your best friend, your cheerleader, your Coach. See what happens.

You’ll always be enough.

Yours in practice,

Pete

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